Modesty.

In trying to get readership to this ADD-fueled ridiculousness of a blog, I've been researching the art of shameless self-promotion. Usually this is hard to get away with. When the vapid cuntwaffles that are Heidi and Spencer whore it up for the cameras, the satirical websites get a literary boner. But don't underestimate the evils of Speidi. They covet this shit.

The idea that there is no such thing as bad press seemed like bullshit to me until 2003- the year that brought you One Night in Paris. Obviously there were famous tapes before that (Tam-- that's Tommy and Pam) but none seemed to enhance someone's career quite so radically before the gem that was that night vision film. It was arguably better than winning an Oscar because there's no acceptance speech required. Your vag does all the talking.

So while weighing these aforementioned celebrities who have mastered this art of promoting themselves, I quickly realized that once again, Oprah wins everything. Who else could possibly put their photoshopped face on over 96 covers without getting a flake of criticism? Oprah. She pimps herself so well, she should teach classes. And you know what she'd have her students read? Her fucking magazine.