Friday, July 11, 2008

You are NOT the father

...Because the baby was cloned!

So there was this dude, let's call him Rael... because he nicknamed himself Rael... and he used to drive race cars and write about them. After most likely hitting the dashboard one too many times, he grew to believe that he was 'special.' Not shortbus special, but "the angels who created the world speak to me and tell me what to do" special.

Rael would take his quasi-philosophy and hold a conference in Paris, France, which is a rather ritzy place to debut your crazy. You'd think dragging a wooden crate from behind a Piggly Wiggly would be sufficient, but I guess his dreams were out of this world. (Zing!)

Essentially the beliefs of this religion (and I may paraphrase) are that these aforementioned Angel People are "human-like" extraterrestrials (La Toya Jackson, anyone?) who created Earth and like to chat about it. Sometimes these martian characters zip down to Earth via UFO to drop off prophets like UPS packages. These include, but are not limited to, Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad and our guy Rael, of course. Jesus, Buddha and Muhammad didn't seem to mention the UFOs or Raelianism when they were here, but it's nice that they're included anyway.

Anyway, Rael and his peeps wanted attention which is odd because you'd think someone who claims to talk to UFO people in his spare time would have been hugged a lot as a child. They decided that the answers to the worlds problems (such as over-population) is cloned babies, and they started an organization called Clonaid to practice this hobby. Some people have Easy Bake Ovens, some people have Clonaid. To each their own.

Then in December of 2002, the day after Rael's pal Jesus' birthday, a baby girl popped out of the cloning machine and was named Eve. After giving the mother a day to peacefully bond with machine-created daughter, they gave a heads up to the media that this bambino wasn't born the lame human way-- it was manufactured like a Toyota.

We still haven't seen baby Eve or her cloned sister, but her sixth birthday is coming up and I hope they rent a moon bounce for the party. It just seems fitting.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Banana Hammock

Yeah, okay Bed Bath and Beyond. My first thought was definitely "Fruit and Vegetable Hammock."

...And nothing relating to Borat

You Got Somethin on Yo Face

The 'stache is many things. A statement, a dare, or an act of rebellion if you work at Disney World. But most of all, it is that hilarious little gem you find in family pictures from before you were alive.

Celebrate the 'stache with Mustaches of the Nineteenth Century