Thursday, August 13, 2009

Oh hai Gary


Gossip Girl

I Get High

Attention blogosphere slash the people who find this blog by accident when they search "Banana Hammock":

Have any of y'all been skydiving?

I'm thinking about doing it for my next birthday. You know, well before my ta-tas sag and flop around in the sky like deflating balloons.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Stare Down

Babies generally piss me off to begin with, but most of the time I can let it go and just find humor in the fact that most of them look like E.T. Not me, though, I was fucking adorable. And I was potty trained at 2 months, I just wore a diaper so everyone else wouldn't feel bad. Moving on, the worst offense that I have against these little blobs is that they stare into your soul without anyone telling them that it's rude. So if no one's going to tell them that it's rude, I've decided to show them instead. I do this with what I like to call a "learning glare" and it goes something like this:

Baby: (stares annoyingly)

Me: Fake Smile




And they can't tell Mommy and Daddy that that mean redhead girl is Doctor Evil-ing them while they sit minding their own business in their baby basket (bassinet?) because they CAN'T TALK. Well, once again, I could, but not everyone is up to my caliber.