Friday, October 30, 2009

Boy George Part II

This kid was one of the finalists on American Idol and I actually really like him. I don't know his music at all, but I'm guessing it probably sounds just like Lil Wayne with maybe a hint of N.W.A.
What I like is that he's trying to make it in the music industry, even though he could easily just be a Fergie impersonator. And that he's gay- really really really gay.
I love gay men and wish they could turn it off slightly so we could be married, and I admire the strength it takes to come out of the closet. So for him to come out to the American public and be really nonchalant about it is awesome. And then to release a CD cover that would make Pat Robertson shit himself-- DOUBLE awesome.


"Nobody is that important. They eat, shit, and screw, just like you. Maybe not shit like you, you got those stomach problems." -- Some guy named Justin's dad

The Geriatrics Next Door

That's the name E! network would have to use if Hugh Hefner actually dated people his age.

Anyway, The Girls Next Door is so fucking stupid this season. The events are stupid, the interviews are stupid, and the new girls are really, really stupid.

Especially Dumb and Dumber-- the barely-legal twins that are Hefner's pets now.

Okay, Holly, Bridget and Kendra weren't exactly about to win the Nobel Prize or anything, but they could probably at least spell it.

This season actually makes me cringe. I keep waiting for the girls' parents to come pick them up from topless daycare, but instead they spend night after night sleeping next to a corpse.

Alright Mr. DeMille, I'm Ready For My Close Up

I've decided that I want a successful career of doing nothing, essentially. Minimal effort, maximum allowance. All the Kim Kardashian / Paris Hilton types who have achieved this all got there from showing their cooch and then complaining about it. Lets be more original. I do like the idea of being famous for your fucking blog like Perez Hilton or Bryanboy. Well, BB isn't as famous, but he gets invited to Fashion Week and gets to hang out with Marc Jacobs and such and get free shit. So lets make that work. Hmm... who says idiotic things and can be my celebrity endorser? I mean Paris is pretty stupid but I don't think she can read. We'll work on this...

Friday, October 16, 2009

The Same Thing We Do Every Night, Red Foreman


I'm watching reruns of That 70s Show at 2 in the morning because I can't sleep and coming up with very important observations such as this one:

Red Foreman looks like The Brain from Pinky and The Brain.

Cool. Glad we had this conversation.

Woman Laacks Sobriety

SHEBOYGAN, Wis. — Police say a Wisconsin woman stripped in front of her children in an attempt to avoid arrest for shoplifting, then scuffled with officers and exposed herself through a squad car window.

Julia E. Laack, 36, of Sheboygan was charged Friday with felony battery of a peace officer, resisting an officer, shoplifting and two counts of disorderly conduct, the Sheboygan Press reported.

The criminal complaint alleges Laack stole a bag of beef jerky and a lighter at a convenience store Thursday afternoon. Police went to her home. The complaint said she refused to come to the door and began screaming and swearing at three children in her house, telling one that the incident was all his fault.

Police entered and tried to calm her down. With her children present, the complaint said, she stripped to her underwear and told the officers they couldn't arrest her because she would be naked.

Laack struggled with the officers as they tried to arrest her, the complaint alleged, kicking one in the groin and spitting in the mouth of another.

While in the squad car on the way to the police station, the complaint said, Laack exposed her buttocks against the rear window.

The complaint said Laack had a preliminary blood-alcohol level of 0.112 percent. The legal blood-alcohol limit for driving is 0.08 percent.

Laack remained in jail Friday night. A man who answered the phone at her home declined comment.


This is excellent and I really appreciate that her name is Julia.
Second favorite thing about this story is the "you can't arrest me cuz I'm getting naked" line. If only Larry Craig knew about this technicality.