Sunday, October 26, 2008

Frozen Head Ted

There are a lot of reasons why I don't understand Ted Williams' desire to be stuffed in a freezer. The first being that if I had a gazillion dollars to spend in death, I would want my body transported in a gold hearse with rims and hydraulics, or for it to guest star on Law and Order SVU. I would also want all my living homies to win a yacht if they correctly guess the exact hue of my cold, blue hands.

I also don't understand the theory behind this, when I really think about it (which is mostly when I'm reaching for Lean Cuisine in the grocery store). His head is popped off his body like a grape, then frozen (which deteriorates human tissue...) and then in 100 years he's supposed to get microwaved and be all set to hit another home run?

Besides, apparently the The Red Sox are like a big team and have like legit players or something. So they don't really need an icicle dude holding out for the new lineup, anyway. I only know this because of that exquisite movie with Jimmy Fallon in it. Changed my life.

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