Someone just informed me that New Year's is coming up soon, but they also said that John McCain lost the election, so I'm pretty sure they're full of shit.
Anyhoo, I made some resolutions just in case.
1) Don't get gonorrhea again
2) Stop stealing from grandma
3) Tell Mike or Justin that he's the father
4) Learn what "misdemeanor" means
5) Find out what that stain in the bathroom is from
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Crazy-eyed Motherfucker
So apparently I've acquired this weird habit of having to blink more times than normal, and for longer periods of time. This wasn't so much of an issue until I realized I did it while driving on freeways and whatnot. Essentially I'm Stevie Wonder behind the wheel. In realizing that I don't want to hit small children or more importantly, squirrels, I've been trying to force myself out of this habit by expanding my eyes instead. I'd like to tell you that's not as weird as it sounds, but I look like something from Where the Wild Things Are. I feel as though I'm a science lesson. Not only can children get an up-close view of retinas, but their parents can reiterate the lesson about not smoking crack behind the elementary school.
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